Sun and Clouds

Ahhh! It's a glorious day outside. the sun is shining and the temperature is mild. It feels like spring. And yet? It's early February. It seems Mother Nature felt generous this year and decided to forgo Winter in Virginia and really most of the U.S. I don't miss the overcast misery that can be Virginia at this time of year. The low sky, the drippy clouds, somehow can be too much for this native New Mexican. This winter? Lots of sun and I love it! I also miss the cold though. I know it sounds counter intuitive, but I tend to be a bit of a weather junky. I get a bit of a rush from storms (all kinds) and very cold weather or very heavy snow. It doesn't make sense that I love to feel the sun warming my face and the grass turning green and that I still wish we had a huge snow storm...I can't explain it. It's just me.

Maybe that explains a little about how I feel about my older son's impending departure. He's got a cold right now and all I want to do is nurture and care for him. I realize that this may be one of the last times I'm able to do that while he's living at home. On the other hand I'm so very excited for him. He'll be starting a new adventure; going to a new place, meeting new people, starting his adult life. I think I know how I'll feel when we take him there and a few days later leave him. I know how much I'll miss him. I also can't wait to see how this adventure shapes him as a person, as a man.

How do I reconcile these feelings? How do I find my way through hope and sadness? This state of being human is so very complex!

Another year?

So much to say, where to start? I've started and deleted twice already, once in my head once on the screen.

So what does 2012 have to offer? I will be 43 this year, definitely middle aged. But that means nothing to me. Jake will be 15 this year. In the Baha'i Faith this is the age that signifies the beginning of maturity. A truly significant event. Ryan will graduate from high school (surprise!) and will either begin a Baha'i Year of Service, or start college. The beginning of his adult life.  Randy, my dear husband will turn 50 (yup, he's been middle aged for awhile now). Really the first half of 2012 will be a celebration. I'm excited! All three of my guys are facing milestones in their lives....

Let me digress a moment. I find the thoughts tumbling and tossing, this way and that. These milestones my men are facing...I understand their significance, but find it difficult to express it's importance. I feel that the words I have don't do justice to the journey they have traveled and the places they are headed. I yearn to share, but it almost feels to close.

I can't continue tonight. Another time perhaps?