Am I a writer? I don't consider myself to be, but I also have moments that I feel compelled to write. Most of the time I have something I need to say, a story to tell, an idea to explore. Tonight I have nothing, but I can't seem to tear myself away from this blank page. I'll just begin and see where it leads.

So much is going on in my life lately and I find myself wanting to share but I can't seem to find a place to start. Of course I started this blog as a place to work through and share my thoughts as my boys grow into men and my oldest prepares to "launch". That is what they are calling it now "launching" A rocket launching is what comes to mind. Shooting up and away from the world, far away from it's home. Off on an amazing adventure. So dramatic, so sudden. Others are left behind to cheer it on and dream of their own adventures. As I contemplate this idea of "launching" my children into the world, I begin to self-assess. What have I done well and where have I really screwed up? It's hard to tell yet. There is so much, if I could do it over, that I would change I think.... Would I?  I don't know. Should I have been stricter? Maybe I should have been more nurturing. Have I spent enough time with them? Or maybe I didn't push them to be independent enough? I look around me at all the parents I know. My sister for example already has her 4 year old's helping to prepare meals. In fact as I spoke with her the other day one of them made himself a quesadilla. Wow. And I'm still getting up and making breakfast for mine? Am I keeping them from growing up? Another mom I met has taken both her boys to the library after school everyday since they were little to reinforce how important homework and therefore education is. I've never made it a habit to sit with my boys while they've done their school work. Did I send the wrong message? I was just trying to teach them to be self sufficient. The interesting thing is that the longer I parent, the less confident I become. I thought it would have been just the opposite. It seems by now I would have had it in the bag. I wish I didn't second guess myself so often. One thing I do that helps is to ask for Gods assistance (often). I ask him to fix the mistakes I've made and then to forgive me for said mistakes. I hope that what I hear is true. That most children turn out just fine, not because of their parents, but despite their parents.